Friday, November 4, 2016

Experience your mind

Recently I partook in a semi Heroic dose of cubensis and DMT at the apex of my shroom journey. I had went into this experience knowing exactly what I wanted. What was wanted was not ego death persay but more of a spiritual revival a reconnection to my luminous self. Now if you have ever done cubes(shrooms) you know that the trip is not super visual but can begin forming patterns as well as having overwhelming roller coaster of emotion. But meditating on what I wanted to reach definitely helped guide my trip, my body tingled I felt elated euphoric and connected. The ride up took about 2 hrs. By that time I had tears rolling down my face, and had been confronted with pattern entites like another dimension was merging with ours. These tears were tears of joy. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and suddenly knew everything was ok. At this point I intook 3 massive hits of dmt
As my tongue went numb on the first hit it almost burned. Upon exhalation I was sky rocket to a whole other world. I did vomit for a short period, but this was due to audio stimuli of rain on a aluminum awning. I walked indoors in a familiar yet different setting. And the worlds had merged... The pattern entites appeared I cant explain how they look I was too focused on the hundred or so sets of eyes starring at me. But the voice a hormonious ringing voice spoke some wisdom to me I needed. The voice got me to change a few things in my life. Change my focus ,now I feel youthful and vibrant a childlike sense of joy and wonder has returned to my life. After about a year of being what I can only explain as being a broken and hurt shadow of my former self.
Remember as the wise yoda once said. "We are luminous beings not this crude matter. The force flows through us around us. It connects everything.,

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Once upon a (Little Red Corvette) !!!!

Baby was much to fast.
Throughout my years I have come to realize that no matter how you try things may not work out.
Ive spent years trying to fix an abysmally tarnished relationship back to some luster.
I tell you now with all the strength you can muster tough it out.
While sure you may wind up wounded and with a broken heart.
Life is all about experience. experience all things so that you have the knowlede to decide for yourself.
I had a customer ask me the other day. He says "How many of the thoughts in your head are your own?" without hesitation I had said to him "All of them." to which he says "Prove it"
Now there is no real way to prove it. And the more you argue the more wrong you are. My answer was this. "I expand my mind and believe in diversified ideologies. I meditate and spend alot of time in my head.
My mind is my only true home. For if you are home in your mind you are home anywhere.
People have given up on the quest for knowledge and settle down to what other people say. The best scientists were the ones who looked there predecessors in the face and said "Your wrong, let me show you why." and they spent their lives dedicated to disproving someones theory so as theirs may take over. Go for gold everytime and if you don't make it look at it not as a failure but as a successful route to get there.
Thomas Edison said. I've not failed I've just found 10,000 ways that wont work.  Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
So let that inspire you to be the best you , you can be. And should you have someone tell you that you fail or are a loser ignore them because all you have to do is admit to yourself you'll get there you just havent found your way yet and dont give up in what you want.
As always 

The wolf.

Friday, August 5, 2016

"Staying in my play pretend, where the fun ain't got no end"

As a person who has been in a long term relationship I would like to stress communicate with your significant other. Let them truly know how your feeling. the quick snappy "I'm fine" or "yup"  after being asked if you are OK is more detrimental to your relationship than saying "Hey I have a problem with this." and hashing it out. Pay attention to your lover, spouse, boyfriend, or just someone your pursing. Be empathetic to their needs. Every one always talks about a perfect relationship and the answer is to reciprocate what you would expect from your interest.
Remember to keep it genuine if you are a broken record of compliments or affectionate verbiage. It sounds automated. Find ways to make Him/Her laugh.
Rediscover some of the joy that brought you together. Travel to both new and familiar places. Meaning that while a new exciting adventure may lay ahead. Sometimes there are adventures we finished that were not truly complete. 
Not just recreate but rewrite. Make newer fonder memories in the places that hold the most sentiment for you.
 Life is not a straight forward path or even a forked road. Life is like a tree and all the branches, twigs, and leaves are different paths we could have gone.

Also know when its time to bail. Get out. Run. Leave. Flee. Sometimes two people can love each other so much it can be detrimental or toxic to both of their well-being. I still love my ex and always will but after 7 1/2 years of being on a high thrill roller coaster we both decided it had been enough.
The person I am I owe not only to my self and my decisions but to each and everyone of you that has touched my life in someway and I thank you all.

With much love. always your pal 
The Wolf

Monday, July 25, 2016

The truth about relationships

Whenever I explain relationships to people I have this wonderful anecdote i like to say. Relationship is two words relate and ship so either you two relate or the ship needs to sail.
Spending time wasting effort in a relationship doomed to fail will only succeed in fucking you up for the future. I feel love for the women ive been with in this life, and of them all i'd ask for only one back

Itroverted introspection

The time was 2008 my life was in an upheaval. I was rebellious and had just had a 1 1/2 year relationship end.(at 16-17yrs old you think its the end) so into my shell I fell. As the year progressed i had spotted a spritly girl and decided i was going to befriend her. Blam I fell in love. Now when I say fell I mean top of the empire state and then down. SPLAT!
I decide im going to ask this beautiful creature out. Then like a train without  tracks my whole plan derailed. REJECTION.
My persistance would win in the end After 2 weeks of courting she was finally mine. I was elated my spirit soaring with hers by my side. (Only now do I realise the mistakes)
As it would seem I am an introvert, and I enjoy having someone by myside when we go out. This leads to a feeling of peace and comfort..... Maybe too much comfort I become more flirtatious and for that. I would be sorry.
This relationship lasted an on off 7 year span of happiness, sadness, love, lust, anger, hatred, and maturity.
Only now do I realize the metaphorical cage.  And im glad you've been set free but know I always love you.
So as I have seen the error in my ways i realized more and more I am a social person the introversion comes from disgust in the world around me collapsing and crumbling. I work with the public, and when you try to talk about whats really relevant they say "I dont care."
WAKE UP. theres a whole big world out there. your not the center, we're not the center. The earth is so respect it and pay attention to the hell humankind wants to unleash

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

just an animaniac

for those of you that know me, you can attest to this fact.the fact that I am a rather animated fellow.
around two years ago I snapped for the first time In a long time. My brain was like a bungie cord being stretched to its limits. I found my self wondering had it snapped back to a restful state, or rather broken into two separate halves of one whole.
Stay with me, now I'm not   talking about a split personality but rather a fundamentally good side and a diabolically bad side. Where was I going with this?
no idea. As I have my mood swings it feels as if my mind is being slung left right angry happy sad surprised and the front starts to hurt and I just can't take it. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!! Emotional rollercoaster rises to the surface, and I go bananas. First anger, then sadness, then uncontrollable maniacal laughter.( this is the point where most people become afraid.) then its right back to either sadness or anger.
but what most people fail to realize is, the bad days when I snap and you see it. I'm going through those everyday in my head. Non stop 24/7 and that's me holding it at bay when I am my normal happy go lucky animated animaniac self.
Floating around singing,quoting movies, literature, songs, or just being rambunctious and talkative always on the go. I'm this way to occupy the moods to alter them to change them.
If you ask me all the greatest actors are insane and I'm no different. While I have not been paid for film,or stage Acting is my job, I do it everyday because most people couldn't handle me otherwise.

This post is to give insight to the world as to what it's really like living "in the real world"(with mental illness.

sincerely, your friend. The Wolf 🐺

Friday, June 24, 2016

Cheap for nice days and children who stay bored all day

As I stay in a house where there are small children who happen to be off for the summer. It becomes a daily routine of hearing I'm bored, and all other sorts of whining.
I think what did I do as a kid?
there was always a bike to ride, a friend to see, some new place to go. I don't have many memories of being bored.
I would love a little input
is television,cell phones and other technology killing the imagination of today's youth?
Do you still use your imagination and how old are you?
give me a few ideas to help these children they are not enticed by bike rides etc.... How can I show them the world they are missing out on

Friday, June 17, 2016

5 points to life and happiness

Some wisdom for anyone to apply to life.
#1 Remove value from the material/Place value on the things that are valuable. Like friendship,family, and love.
#2 Remove/Replace negativity
both around and within yourself.
#3 Be willing to CHANGE! the emphasis is because this is very important. That which doesn't evolve and adapt will perish.
#4 Be more patient stress arises from inpatients and stress is a killer
#5 Love equally others and yourself.

Guess Whos back!

After many years of not posting anything, I am back.
I had come to the realization that I was not as wise as I thought.
I spent 7 and one half years in a relationship that can only be described as toxic.
a story of two young people falling fast. I remember the way her face made me smile, it was cute in a funny looking way.
A relationship in which I felt nervous and had butterflies everyday.

my own mania fueling hers and the world around us burns.

For the rest of my life I will love her and yet I've never been happier alone. We went our separate ways a little over a year ago and I still think of her.
Though it would seem I've been effectively erased from her life, there will always be a place for her in mine.

my life still in turmoil but I know I have nothing to hold me I may come and go as I please.
As the years have progressed I've come to find you can only achieve true happiness when you can honestly let go of the material.

Sincerely, The Wolf 🐺