Friday, May 26, 2017

Most of the Time

Most of the time I feel absolutely fine. then at times I feel blind...
Beauty is gone after everything... There in a flash gone in a blink.
I want to wash my hands, but thoughts of you keep clogging my sink.
and just when I think I'm on the brink.... think ..... think.... something at one time I could do very clear
but now my mind a haze without you here.
Cannabis smoke for days. Maryjane keeping me from rage.
but I still find myself stuck on this same page........ 
same line same paragraph and I just cant get past the one thing I always thought would last.
and as I continue to go fast through this vast plane of existence
I think Ill stay alone Fuck what you thought about me needing your assistance.
I tried to show you the world you could only show resistance.
yet you claimed it was my persistence that made you fall
now you hate me if I try at all
so here's where I'm at Here's where I think my mind is going to stay I have a few Things that I think I should say
I love you for everything that you ever did your fucked up ways still you were my very best Friend
there was nothing I couldn't tell you forever were you down to ride. but your fucked up sense of pride and the effects of others on your mind forever would pull you from my side 
Should I hide............
Only thing I hide is this Monster inside..... Wanting to tear  tear tear apart everything and until that subsides I'll Hide from the chances of ever settling down happily with a Bride..............................................................................................................................................................................................My Brain is soaked in Bleach my Bones in Formaldehyde My skin peels from The acid speech you've always given me. Muscles atrophied as I stare off in Apathy.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

The meeting

Prom sitting with my ex who I had already bought tickets for and was trying to work things out when it happened. I saw what to me was the most beautiful thing I had ever saw. 
I had to pause couldn't keep my eyes off her the whole night.
something inside me just told me the feeling was right.
struggled for months to make her see that without her the world would be so mundane to me.
and then one faithful day we would meet in the house of tree.
discovered visiting when I shouldn't be. 
The night her father scared the shit out of me.
Went home to think for the night and decided I wanted you for life.
Called your dad to make amends.
I will never lose these memories and fear I will never gain back what was taken from me.
Not just my heart but I feel my very soul, for she was my mate the matching piece to my whole.

As The WORLD TURNS

So life has been this rocky roller coaster of butt fuckery for the past little while. I have come to realize that until someone wants to help themselves you really cant help them either.
I have drifted through the beginning of adult hood happy, sad, depressed, on top, at the absolute bottom. I have loved, I have lost, I have gained, and I have pained. I have made my plans.

For anyone worried because they do not feel that they have achieved what they deserve. If your one of those people that feel you should already have a plan. RELAX....
there is a plan and I assure you even though you may not yet have yours it will come in time. I am midway through my twenties now and have only now came up with a plan to achieve the dreams I have had for so long.
Do not get down on yourself for being normal. and just remember even when you think you don't have the energy you do.
you can push on, push through and push that obstacle right over because the only thing in the way is yourself.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The worst I can say

Losing my mind as of late. Losing other things aswell. not sure if  I can paddle over and ride in the swell. My brain creates its own little brand of hell. Looking back at who was there when I was high ans who was there when I fell. The world lost a great man yesterday. For reasons I'm sure I dont understand. All these things that keep beating me. And not so much as a comforting hand. The man cus thats just what he was. I hold with me forever your warm embracing hugs.

R.I.P Grandpa Wayne.




Saturday, March 18, 2017

Shamalamadippidy do

Shamallamadippidy do, Oh my friends how I have so missed you. On the other side I've been for too long. Floating and drifting along. Im coming back with a vengance enemies I have no time for repentance I dont want to hear your remittance. Just stay the fuck back yeah keep your distance.

Ive smiled alot lately for reasons unknown perhaps its realizing im ok on my own. So tell me. Any questions for this wolfy one here, or do all of the sheep cower crippled by fear

Friday, November 4, 2016

Experience your mind

Recently I partook in a semi Heroic dose of cubensis and DMT at the apex of my shroom journey. I had went into this experience knowing exactly what I wanted. What was wanted was not ego death persay but more of a spiritual revival a reconnection to my luminous self. Now if you have ever done cubes(shrooms) you know that the trip is not super visual but can begin forming patterns as well as having overwhelming roller coaster of emotion. But meditating on what I wanted to reach definitely helped guide my trip, my body tingled I felt elated euphoric and connected. The ride up took about 2 hrs. By that time I had tears rolling down my face, and had been confronted with pattern entites like another dimension was merging with ours. These tears were tears of joy. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and suddenly knew everything was ok. At this point I intook 3 massive hits of dmt
As my tongue went numb on the first hit it almost burned. Upon exhalation I was sky rocket to a whole other world. I did vomit for a short period, but this was due to audio stimuli of rain on a aluminum awning. I walked indoors in a familiar yet different setting. And the worlds had merged... The pattern entites appeared I cant explain how they look I was too focused on the hundred or so sets of eyes starring at me. But the voice a hormonious ringing voice spoke some wisdom to me I needed. The voice got me to change a few things in my life. Change my focus ,now I feel youthful and vibrant a childlike sense of joy and wonder has returned to my life. After about a year of being what I can only explain as being a broken and hurt shadow of my former self.
Remember as the wise yoda once said. "We are luminous beings not this crude matter. The force flows through us around us. It connects everything.,

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Once upon a (Little Red Corvette) !!!!

Baby was much to fast.
Throughout my years I have come to realize that no matter how you try things may not work out.
Ive spent years trying to fix an abysmally tarnished relationship back to some luster.
I tell you now with all the strength you can muster tough it out.
While sure you may wind up wounded and with a broken heart.
Life is all about experience. experience all things so that you have the knowlede to decide for yourself.
I had a customer ask me the other day. He says "How many of the thoughts in your head are your own?" without hesitation I had said to him "All of them." to which he says "Prove it"
Now there is no real way to prove it. And the more you argue the more wrong you are. My answer was this. "I expand my mind and believe in diversified ideologies. I meditate and spend alot of time in my head.
My mind is my only true home. For if you are home in your mind you are home anywhere.
People have given up on the quest for knowledge and settle down to what other people say. The best scientists were the ones who looked there predecessors in the face and said "Your wrong, let me show you why." and they spent their lives dedicated to disproving someones theory so as theirs may take over. Go for gold everytime and if you don't make it look at it not as a failure but as a successful route to get there.
Thomas Edison said. I've not failed I've just found 10,000 ways that wont work.  Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
So let that inspire you to be the best you , you can be. And should you have someone tell you that you fail or are a loser ignore them because all you have to do is admit to yourself you'll get there you just havent found your way yet and dont give up in what you want.
As always 

The wolf.